Occupy Portland Continues To Get Nothing Done

One of our working groups having a cool discussion!

WHOA 2012 IS GOING GREAT! Almost two weeks into the new year and we have accomplished zero! If you consider all the time Occupy Portland has existed, our record is clean: NOT A DARN THING ACCOMPLISHED!

Of course we have had alot of discussions and meetings, alot of good times where stoners get together and talk like EXPERTS ON EVERYTHING! We did have our camp, we have had our parties, and all our fun times! BUT TO ALL OF YOU MORONS waiting for us to actually get something done, so sorry! GETTING THINGS DONE WAS NEVER OUR PLAN!

When we started our crazy group our only plan was to have a social organization, like a real-in-the-flesh FACEBOOK KINDA THING FOR LOSERS! Ok, we are a little sorry if you expected action! OH WELL!

Occupy Portland White Folks discuss creative ways to
insult minority populations.

Here is an example of what is to come: pretty soon it will be MLK DAY! I guess you might have heard that we aren't exactly an AFRICAN AMERICAN FRIENDLY GROUP! I mean, it is pretty much expected that when we get down to it A WHOLE BUNCH OF N BOMBS ARE GONNA GET DROPPED! Oh, well, what do you expect from a group that is 99 per cent white? WE ARE THE 99 PER CENT WHITE OCCUPY! So for MLK DAY while many people in Portland will be doing good works in memory of DR KING guess what occupy portland will be doing? WE ARE GONNA HAVE A PARTY WITH LIVE MUSIC! And, I don't mean any of that lame, traditional AFRICAN AMERICAN MUSIC! It will be that crazy GOODTIME STONER MUSIC! RIGHT ON!

Later in the month, we will further insult Portland's minority population by doing a number on CHINESE NEW YEAR! HAHAHAHAHA

But, most important it is our plan to get nothing done. Zip! Zero! Nadda! We will continue to march for causes we can't really support, call for changes that won't ever happen, give false hope to really desperate people by inviting them to meet with one of our groups, etc. etc. etc.!

I know that last year, when we had our REALLY COOL AND GROOVY CAMP we did feed hungry people. OK, THAT WAS THEN! Don't look for anything that positive from us anytime soon. BUT and this is a really big BUT we will continue to appeal to the suckers of portland for MONEY! CAUSE IF WE DON'T GET MONEY WE CAN'T PARTY!

SO, if you got money GIVE IT TO US!

THANKS!

Fists Fly At Occupy Portland General Assembly Fight!

The most recent General Assembly while it was still peaceful

The other day at Occupy Portland's General Assembly was AS CRAZY AS BAT GUANO! Maybe it was just a crazy day!

Before the General Assembly well known ECO-NUTBALL Tre Arrow was back in town and up a tall tree! When he came down he gave one of his crazy DIATRIBES about the earth and trees and dirt and WHATEVER and the local media was there listening to him! But when describing 'mother' earth Tre got kinda outta control with his language AND STARTED TALKIN LIKE HE WAS HOT FOR HIS OWN MOM! People were saying things like 'EWWWW' while he talked because IT WAS REALLY GROSS! OH WELL!

TRE ISN'T ONE OF THE ELITE MANAGER GROUP AT OCCUPY PORTLAND YET but I think if he wanted to he could TAKE OVER THE MOVEMENT! RIGHT ON TRE! Like some stoner said, it was his night to shine!

Later it was time for GENERAL ASSEMBLY! So the big topic was a name change for occupy portland - CHANGE THE NAME TO DECOLONIZE PORTLAND!

Shortay Primo

The whole conversation was started by SHORTAY PRIMO better known as one of the MIDGET BRAIN SURGEONS! Shortay, who is only about 4 feet tall, is a powerful pixie AND A BIG MAN WHEN IT COMES TO REVOLUTION! RIGHT ON!

Anyway, he gave a long and pretty boring speech about alot of boring crap but his point was to change the name of OCCUPY PORTLAND TO DECOLONIZE PORTLAND. His major reason is that LIKE WHITE PEOPLE HAVE DONE ALL SORTS OF NASTY CRAP FOREVER and as a result PORTLAND IS A COLONY! People were looking around kinda dazed because NOBODY KNEW WE LIVED IN A COLONY! And there were lots of questions like is Beaverton a colony of its own or part of the Portland Colony? Some really stoned chick asked if we were like a nudist colony or something like that. People seemed really confused!

Shortay tried to answer the questions but you know him, he is really hard to understand sometimes! PLUS HALF THE TIME HE HAD A BANDANA OVER HIS MOUTH LOOKIN REAL REVOLUTIONARY which made it even harder to understand him. BUT YOU GOT TO LOVE THAT LOOK HE PUTS ON! ITS LIKE AN ITTY BITTY CHE OR SOMETHING!

So some dude pointed out that there already was a decolonize portland organization and MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE THEIR GROUP AND WE HAVE OUR GROUP AND ALL THAT! SO AT THAT POINT PEOPLE WERE REAL NOT INTO CHANGING OUR NAME! Then Dinky Wang spoke up and as usual SAID WAY TOO MUCH AND DREW ALOT OF ATTENTION TO HIMSELF! So after that alot of people changed their minds and WANTED TO CHANGE OUR NAME TO DECOLONIZE PORTLAND! Wow when a crowd is really stoned out THEY CAN CHANGE THEIR MINDS ALOT! Then, it was time to vote on the name change!

Just when the voting started A FIGHT BROKE OUT! I think everybody knows WADE VARNER cause he's pretty fat and edgy and stuff. He really became famous back at the camp when he exposed himself during a FAMILY FRIENDLY EVENT! THE VIDEO OF THAT IS BELOW!


WOW when Wade MOONS people it is alot more than a MOON! His BUNS are so HUGE and Bloated that it is more like a WHOLE DANGE SOLAR SYSTEM! ANYWAYS THAT CRAZY TUB OF LARD took a poke at somebody or something like that and all of a sudden people were running all over and stuff and it got really crazy! IT WASN'T EXACTLY ALL ABOUT PEACE AND LOVE!

People during the big fight! Lots of people got called biznatch and stuff

The fight didn't last real long but after it was over a bunch of people left including fatso. The OCCUPY PORTLAND ELITE MANAGER on the scene reminded us all that we were NONVIOLENT! So people were feeling really silly and some dude laughed so hard that he wet his pants. So, then we finished voting and GUESS WHAT WE DIDN'T CHANGE OUR NAME! YAY FOR US! But anyways its all good! AND SOMEBODY SAID THAT SHORTAY WAS JUST TRYING TO TAKE OVER OCCUPY PORTLAND OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! OH WELL! We love the little midget man so much that we forgave him INSTANTLY!

But wouldn't it be real funny to change our name! Like, maybe there really is a secret colony around here or something! IF THAT IS THE CASE I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER FIND OUT FOR SURE! I know that some of the states used to be colonies or something like that so OH OH time to find out for real what is going on!

Occupy Portland Goes Postal!

Freaky Lookin PEEP marchin!

We had a super march today! I BET OUR MARCH SAVED THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE! YAY FOR US!

The people united!

Maybe you have been sleeping under a rock (or a bridge LOL) and missed the news: the man and the fat cats WANT TO DESTROY THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE! But OH OH FOR THEM Occupy Portland is here like the LONE RANGER AND BATMAN PUT TOGETHER INTO ONE COSMIC SUPER DUDE! And we marched today and IMHO the postal service is now gonna be alright! I DIDN'T SEE THE MAN OR THE FAT CATS today cause there are too scared of us!

Pretty much another solution by OCCUPY PORTLAND! Next probably we will cure cancer or something awesome like that.

Today we even got to march in the street! MARCHING IN THE STREET is a real cool thing to do cause you take the street and cars gotta stop! AND YOU CAN HUM LITTLE SOUNDS LIKE VROOM VROOM AND PRETEND YOU ARE A MAZDA!

After the big march we had a general assembly that got kinda bogus when Wade Varner started a fight and people were getting called 'little biotches' and crap like that! BUT I CAN'T TELL THAT STORY RIGHT NOW cause I am so soaked in the glowing aura of saving the USPS!

USPS Union Dude
Shorty Cramboni

Proabably the coolest part of the march was at the beginning when we were at pioneer and a UNION DUDE GAVE A SPEECH! THE GUY'S NAME IS SHORTY CRAMBONI! He talked and went on about some crap I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT but it was something like if the Postal Service goes away then next THE UNITED STATES WILL GO AWAY! Wow I didn't know that the USPS was that important!

Mr. Cramboni made us realize how important we have become if a big international union superstar like HIM TALKS TO US! There were other people there that weren't occupy, the ones that looked normal. But today we were all brothers and sisters! But next time I think we should try to wear clean clothes and stuff if there are gonna be other people there, just an idea from me!

Shorty Cramboni is about as tall as both Mr. Dinky Wang and the Short Brain Surgeon dude and MAN THESE LITTLE SHORT PIXIE MEN CAN REALLY LEAD A REVOLUTION! I think when we recruit more people we need to make sure to get alot of guys under 5 feet tall! EXCEPT NOT THE BADASS ONES THAT GOT THAT SHORT MAN SYNDROME IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Those dudes are so bogus.

Occupy Portland Feather Circle Update

Time to update OUR AWESOME PROGRESS WITH OUR FEATHER THING! There are activities for everyone at OCCUPY PORTLAND and most are either harmless or pointless! One that is really growing is OCCUPY PORTLAND FEATHER COUNCIL!

AT feather council some folks get together at our playhouse in southeast Portland and sit around and talk about SUPER IMPORTANT STUFF! But, before you just think to drop in and join us you need to know that only special people should come hang with us.

A special group for losers

If you are confident, able to speak your mind, and have REALLY STRONG SELF ESTEEM this is not a group for you! TO BE A FEATHER PERSON you should be shy and insecure for starters. Like, are you the sort of dude that always got wedgies from the jocks in High School? When you are in a group do people ignore you when you are trying to speak? Do confident people use you as a butt for their jokes? ALRIGHT! IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THOSE WELCOME! You really should be an Occupy Portland Feather Person!

We love our
FEATHER
STALIN!

Only one, arrogant, pushy person is allowed to be at OUR SACRED OCCUPY FEATHER THING. That person has a sacred title: THE FEATHER STALIN! It is the duty of the Feather Stalin to make up the rules as we go, take what others say and change the meaning by 'paraphrasing' and generally be THE BOSSY BOSS OF FEATHERS! WE LOVE OUR FEATHER STALIN! Like, A GOOD FEATHER STALIN SAYS THAT HE HATES RULES, THEN MAKES UP SOME RULES! Or HE ACTS LIKE ALL ARE EQUAL THEN BOSSES EVERYONE! Since the group is SUPER PASSIVE they love him! He sets the agenda by writing all the ISSUES on a white board. During the circle he pretends to listen to what others say but THEN HE MAKES IMPROVEMENTS TO EVERY IDEA they offer so yeah he kinda puts them down! BUT THERE ARE FEEL GOODS TOO! He will tell the group how important they are, how misunderstood they are, how the circle is important because HE LOVES AND RESPECTS THEM! Is he not clever or what?????????

Sometimes people get super duper
head aches cause the sacred thing can
do that to your aura

The Feather Stalin comes from 'THE PLAN', which is kinda like some freaky, online stoner game! In fact, he thinks that OCCUPY PORTLAND IS SOMETHING HE PLANNED AT THE PLAN! WOW! Nobody in the group really understands 'The Plan' cause WE HATE PLANNING! I guess the plan is like a game where the real rules are super secret, so even if you get to play you never know if you are winning or losing because YOU NEVER GET TO KNOW THE RULES! Ok, some of the rules everybody knows like getting wasted and getting laid.

She can be real boring

In FEATHER COUNCIL you can't talk unless you got the feather. In this way it is like playing tag, cause if you got the feather YOU ARE IT! When you talk, make sure to start your comments with something that shows you don't really know diddly like 'I MIGHT BE WRONG' or 'I'M NOT SURE' something like that. It is really important that the only person that has a strong and certain opinion is the FEATHER STALIN!

Sometimes a person by accident has a strong opinion. DON'T WORRY! Then it is time for FEATHER STALIN to say something like 'I think what you are meaning to say is' then he rephrases the whole thing in another direction! HE IS SO SKILLED THAT PEOPLE WANT TO CLAP AND APPLAUD but that would be wrong cause it would be TOO FORWARD OF THEM! Remember: only FEATHER STALIN CAN SHOW EMOTION!

Anyways, around and around the feather goes in our sacred circle, always passing to the left. People take turns AND THEN WE VOTE BY BEING SILENT! AWESOME! But OH OH sometimes there is a block! A BLOCK IS LIKE CONSTIPATION! BUT DON'T WORRY, THE FEATHER STALIN IS LIKE OUR OWN PERSONAL LAXATIVE! He makes sure the block goes away!

Two dudes that just moved here from
Bosnia and don't know much

By now I guess you are thinking 'ok, but what is the point of the FEATHER THING?' HA HA STUPID THERE IS NO POINT! ITS JUST ONE MORE OF OUR GAMES! It is one night a week, you know we used to have important meetings and crap every night but THEN IT WAS GETTING LAME so we don't have many important meetings any more. Instead, we do stuff like FEATHERS!

A special time comes at the end of SACRED FEATHERS! THE FEATHER STALIN says something like 'wow, I never knew before all of you were so misunderstood' or 'wow, I love you all so much!' and as you can imagine THERE ARE ALOT OF TEARS AND STUFF AT THAT POINT!

Occupy Portland Infiltrated By Undercover Cops???

Occupy Portland March Yesterday
Who tipped off the MAN?

As everyone knows BY NOW I AM SO SURE because the whole world loves us WE HAD A MARCH and it was led by SUPERSTAR DINKY WANG! Dinky had a clever plan to march ON THE FREEWAY! WHOA! WHAT A PLAN!

Anyways so there we were marching up and marching down AND AROUND AND AROUND and gettin kinda dizzy! BUT EVERYTIME WE GOT CLOSE TO A FREEWAY ENTRANCE THE MAN BLOCKED US! Dinky got so upset that he walked up to some dude that was marching and ACCUSED HIM OF BEING A POLICE SPY! HA HA HA what Dinky didn't know was that WE WERE ON FREAKIN LIVESTREAM and not only were all our moves on the web LIVE but also the dude doing livestream TOLD EVERYBODY WATCHING THAT WE WERE HEADED FOR THE FREEWAY!

Dinky Wang

SO OH OH the secret was out. BOGUS! We even marched up past FRED MEYER STADIUM and kinda got sneaky headed for an ON RAMP or an OFF RAMP I'm not sure cause it was SO DARK DANG! Guess what? THE MAN WAS READY FOR US! Oh well!

So we headed back FINALLY DUH and ended up at DIRECTOR'S PARK downtown and had a HUGE LOUD RALLY! AWESOME!

Then Dinky started jumpin up and down and wavin his arms and screeching in that CRAZY OCCUPY PORTLAND VOICE of his and everybody started clapping their hands as he TOOK TOTAL CREDIT FOR THE MARCH! DUDE IS SUCH A SUPERSTAR! And afterwards we were all agreeing that it was SO COOL THAT WE DIDN'T GET ON THE FREEWAY CAUSE ITS FREAKIN DANGEROUS!

Is this the SPY?

But for sure THERE IS A SPY OR MAYBE A BUNCH OF UNDERCOVER COPS in Occupy Portland so we gotta find out who! Like this one dude is always talking into the cuff of his jacket and either he's got a microphone in there or he's JUST SO TOTALLY BAKED THAT HE THINKS HIS SLEEVE CAN HEAR HIM AND RESPOND! And this other dude is always wearing clean clothes so maybe it is him! All I know for sure is that DINKY WANG GOT SUPER UPSET AND PARANOID and we want to keep that little fellar happy so WE GOTTA GET TO THE SPY AND SURROUND HIM AND SAY MEAN STUFF UNTIL HE LEAVES! Well that is the plan for now!

The march was still A HUGE AWESOME SUCCESS BECAUSE everytime we get out and march around we create awareness of what A CRAZY BUNCH OF PEOPLE WE ARE! Plus it was not raining and so nobody got wet!

Occupy and the Postal Service a new DREAM TEAM!

James from the Postal Service at our meeting

Back in the day LOTS AND LOTS of people used to come to the Occupy Portland General Assemblies. OH WELL THAT WAS THEN! We only have one general assembly a week now THANKS TO THOSE RAINBOW IDIOTS and tonight only 20 people came! BUT IT WAS NOT ALL BOGUS!

James from the United States Postal Service dropped by to beg for our help! AWESOME! He told us that there is a CRAZY FAT CAT CONSPIRACY TO KILL THE POSTAL SERVICE! We LOVE conspiracies, and believe almost all that we hear about! So he begged PLEASE HELP US OCCUPY PORTLAND but also said that the national postal worker union won't ask OCCUPY for help because they are scared of us! HA HA HA

SO we will March on January 8, AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND IN SOME BIG CRAZY CIRCLE and then the FAT CATS WILL STOP TRYING TO KILL THE POSTAL SERVICE! AWESOME!

We let him beg for a little bit cause it was funny! Then we voted HOORAY FOR US! This could be an even bigger success than OCCUPY THE PORTS THING! WE KNOW that when the fat cats see OCCUPY PORTLAND MARCHING IN CIRCLES AND BEATING A DRUM AND STUFF they will run away and hide!

We met downtown and had some other stuff to talk about but it was pretty cold and windy so we hurried up and I FORGOT WHAT WE AGREED TO! BUT it was cool cause WE GOT OUT OF OUR PLAYHOUSE AND MET OUTDOORS! Lately the playhouse is full of RAINBOW PEOPLE that are always putting down sacred sage and crap and talking nonsense! One of them got his spices mixed up and sprinkled CURRY POWDER ALL OVER THE OFFICE instead of sacred sage and now OUR OFFICE PLAYHOUSE SMELLS LIKE AN EAST INDIAN BUFFET! Bogus. One RAINBOW did show up (pictured left) but he didn't talk or move or do diddly and some dude said that the RAINBOW DUDE WAS JUST FIXING HIS AURA or something like that. WHATEVER!

David Osborne

David (Big Organizer Cheese) Osborne was talking about some stuff I think maybe he wanted to APPEAR TO BE IMPORTANT AGAIN AFTER THE FACILITATORS TOOK A BEATING LAST WEEK at spokes. He takes it all real serious! OH WELL I am sure what ever he talked about he got his own way CAUSE DAVID OSBORNE ALWAYS GETS HIS OWN WAY! HA HA HA. I thought maybe tonight somebody would have the guts to bring up the WHOLE OCCUPY PORTLAND MOVEMENT BEING HIJACKED BY PEOPLE issue but OH WELL the meeting was back to the usual GUTLESS behavior. The was some issue about so few people coming to the meeting and maybe we should be making decisions will such a little, itty-bitty crowd. BUT THEN SOME STONED OUT DUDE MADE THE WHOLE ISSUE A BIG JOKE and we laughed and forgot all about it!

Once we save the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE I am sure that maybe those goofy RAINBOW FAMILY BOZOS will go away and party someplace else BECAUSE WE WILL PROVE THAT WE ARE A POLITICAL GROUP and not a place for stoner burnouts like the rainbows. I mean, for REAL! HOW CAN WE RUN A REVOLUTION WHEN SOME IDIOT SPRINKLES CURRY POWDER ALL OVER!

Happy New Year From Occupy Portland! We Are Miserbable!



Sorry, if you hope we are done. We are here in our southeast Portland playhouse and we have big plans for 2012! Our tantrum continues because we are miserable and it is our pleasure to act out until you are miserable too!

People that wonder what motivates us, those that can't see what makes us 'tick' clearly haven't watched us very closely. Next time we are around and you are fortunate to see us take note: EVERYTHING WE DO IS A MANIFESTATION OF OUR SHARED MISERY! From politics to food, from the school system to the United States Postal Service, from our filthy camps to our misunderstanding of history EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT US IS A BIZARRE CELEBRATION OF OUR COLLECTIVE MISERY!

WE ARE ANARCHISTS! WE HOLD THAT THE UNITED STATES IS UNECESSARY. WE HOLD THAT THE LAWS DON'T APPLY TO US, YOUR LIVES ARE UNIMPORTANT COMPARED TO OURS AND YOUR WAYS OF DOING THINGS/ANY THING IS OUTDATED AND WRONG.

Yet people that mean well continue to fool themselves and think their ordinary concerns have something to do with us! YOU FOOLS! YOU ARE THE SHEEP or as we call you THE SHEEPLE.

Even when we dance and appear to know some sort of joy we must first become as intoxicated as possible BECAUSE TO US THERE IS NO REAL, HONEST JOY - LIKE SMALL CHILDREN LOST IN TANTRUM THAT NEVER ENDS THE ONLY REALITY WE KNOW IS MISERY.

Pretty cool, huh!?

We can't and won't offer any solutions, because we can't see beyond our NIHILISTIC VIEWS to begin to imagine any problem ever being solved. Yet, people see in us a path to solutions! HOW REALLY REALLY CRAZY IS THAT? Folks with mortgage problems think we will help them out. Union members afraid of the future think joining us will make them more secure. College graduates with student loan problems consider an alliance with us a way to get their debts forgiven. AND ON AND ON AND ON! GUESS WHAT SUCKERS? WE CAN'T HELP ANY OF YOU!

However, like A WORN AND FETID SPONGE WE EXIST TO SUCK YOU IN, to absorb you in our maze of moronic misery. JOIN US! Nothing will be done to really help you, but join us anyway! If anything at all was accomplished by us in 2011 it was our success in fooling so many people into thinking we are a movement they should support! EVEN THOUGH WE DESPISE THEM, DESPISE THEIR CONCEPTS OF FAMILY, PERSONAL AND PRIVATE PROPERTY, AND MORE they gave us money, support, food and the empty parts of their hearts AND WE DID NOTHING FOR THEM AT ALL! In 2012 we will continue to welcome all suckers just as we did in 2011.

HAPPY NEW YEAR MORONS!