Christmas is almost here! I know everyone is wondering what can we get for the HARDWORKING OCCUPY WARRIORS? They are all so busy right now FIGHTING FOR US 24X7 WITH THAT SPECIAL BUZZ ON! According to the OCCUPY PORTLAND ELITE MANAGER GROUP there are several extra special OCCUPANTS that must be remembered with special gifts. Today, part one of our list as dictated by the OCCUPY PORTLAND DECISION MAKERS. So people get them stuff! DECK THE FREAKIN HALLS! BUY THEM THINGS!
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| Our own LOTUS! |
First on our list OUR OWN MOTHER OF THE YEAR LOTUS. Maybe you don't recall, but during our kinda lame OCCUPY THE PORTS our own LOTUS decided to draw attention to herself by placing her child on the railroad tracks! WHOA! So what if a train had come along? I BET THEN PEOPLE WOULD TAKE US SERIOUSLY! Oh, well, no train that day. BUT HER HEART WAS IN THE RIGHT PLACE!
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| Grumpy Sam! |
Some people think Sam is just Grumpy and constantly irritated. Ok that is TRUE! Maybe he acts that way because HE IS REALLY FRAGILE! But we love him, and what a FASHION PLATE, EH LADIES? When Sam was out of town for Thanksgiving LIVESTREAM WAS A BOGUS EXERCISE IN STUPIDITY! When Sammy got back, he quickly got it all going again! I know that in this picture he looks MEGA HUNGOVER but we all got our demons! This XMAS don't forget Sam when you're making your list, and checking it twice!
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Occupy Portland Assistant Supreme Leader
Richard Hernandez |
So he has a problem with spitting on people! SO WHAT! It is NOT LIKE HE DROPS TROU AND TAKES A DUMP ON PEOPLE! Although, Rich would do that if the Occupy Portland Executive Manager Group told him to. THAT IS THE KIND OF DUDE RICH IS! Recently elevated to ASSISTANT SUPREME LEADER OF OCCUPY PORTLAND isn't enough of a 'gift' for this AMAZING EPIC PEOPLE'S WARRIOR! Now it is time to fill his stocking!
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| Mary 'contrary' Nichols |
Some people might tell you that Mary has a whole lotta really bad ideas. WRONG! People just don't always see the gifted and brilliant WAY MARY HAS OF PHRASING HER IDEAS! Also, she is highly emotional so LAY OFF MEAN PEOPLE! WHATEVER! I can't tell you what to put under her tree, but maybe a REALLY SINCERE APOLOGY FOR STARTERS!
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| 'MENTAL' METAL |
Always ready to say something REALLY CRAZY AND SCARY AT THE SAME TIME is how we think about our very own METAL! Like many of the people that OCCUPY PORTLAND USES he is REALLY UNPREDICTABLE! Some people think HE IS A FULL BLOWN NUTBALL! Other people think he is more like MEL GIBSON IN BRAVEHEART PLUS SAM WATERSON ON REALLY BAD ACID but to most of us he is just CRAZY. Whatever! This year get him something but don't invite him to your house for dinner, unless you plan to put him in a chair with restraints.
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| Adriane Ackerman |
This year when you are buying your OCCUPY PORTLAND CHRISTMAS GIFTS make sure to remember the most important occupier of them all! Yes, Adriane Ackerman, Queen of the Occupy Elite and to most of us 'MOM'. I know how hard it will be to find the perfect gift for the PERFECT PERSON! BUT GUESS WHAT? She is so much smarter than you that your best idea is TO ASK HER WHAT TO GET THE PERFECT PERSON THEN GET JUST THAT THING FOR HER! I am sure it will be perfect!
NEXT TIME PART TWO!
